Enterprising Day OUT
[Intro: This skit is purely FICTIONAL and any resemblance to any characters or situations in REAL life is NOT coincidental. This should NOT have any bearing on the ePM of all the people who wrote this, enacted this, saw this, laughed at it or hated it.]
[SADI makes announcement.]
[Background MP3 song; Sholay: Yeh Dosti, hum nahin chodenge….] – SADI Collects MP3.
2 guys, arms on each others shoulders enter dancing and come to a stop.
MBG – Madhu
AM - Manju
MBG: “ Hey Chote Miyaan. How are things? How is it going in
AM: “ Very Good Bade Miyaan! Not bad at all. Ek cheez mujhe tang kar rahi hai.”
MBG: “Well you know. Lets understand Cisco is all about OPEN communication. Please Go ahead. Speak it out.”
AM:”Yeah right. True. I can sense our team is too much stressed out and we should all go out for an outing. What do you think Bade Miyaan?”
MBG” You know Chote Miyaan, that is a VERY good idea. Let us implement it.Please go ahead and send out a BINGO survey to the team to know who are all interested and who are interested to come on weekends”
AM: “ Yeah, I will do that Bade Miyaan. Chalo, have fun! Bye”
MBG: “Cheers Man. BBye.
[
AM-Chote Miyaan looks at his watch. 11:30 AM. He walks over to Miss Pity’s cube. She is still not there. Murmuring to himself
“ Where is Miss Pity. Its 11:30 and she is still not in the office. I have to give her some work on the team day outing. Let me give her a call.”
He picks up the phone and Miss Pity picks up the phone.
AM:”Hello Miss Pity. Wakey Wakey! Its mid morning already.”
Miss Pity stifling a yawn, “Oh, yeah. I was in this migration. It kept me awake all night. Yeah manager, what is it?”
AM: “I want you to send a survey out to the team on team outing and I have sent an email with the questions.Just create a BINGO who is interested to come for the Outing and also on the weekend.”
Miss Pity:”Okay!” (In typical Karuna ishtyle)
Miss Pity Sends out a survey to the team and has the results ready!
Miss Pity” I sent the survey Manager. It looks like DCN team is 100% COMPLIANT. ONM is 62% only. Also, ONM team doesn’t want to come on weekends.”
AM:” What is this with the DCN team yaar! They are always 100% compliant even for time sheets and now for even this. Why isn’t ONM team like this?”
Miss Pity:” Manager, DCN team has hired 2 project managers who overlook the Compliance part. We should also have Project Managers in ONM.”
AM:”Theek Hai – Theek Hai. Anyways, prepare a presentation which says TEAM outing is Mandatory for the whole team and no questions of weekdays only.”
Miss Pity: “ But Manager, why did we send out a survey to the team to check if they were available on weekend if it was a forgone conclusion.”
AM: Giving a Big GRIN. Miss Pity also smiles off and walks out.
[Rajesh Kalapurakkal]
CM & BM again.[Sadi makes the announcement]
MBG:” manager, there is this guy in the team MENTOS. What is he doing man? SCE or something like that.”
AM:”Oh that guy BM. Yeah, he is very silent and keeps working. Not sure what he is working on.”
MBG:”Manager, We should check with our BIG BROTHER if we really support the stuff on what he is doing?”
AM:”Yeah.But Manager his Realization numbers are good. Why fix on something which is not broken. Let him continue doing what he is doing. That’s what I learnt in my business school.”
MBG:”But you know MENTOS is a Fantastic mentor. All the “freshers” love him. There are 2 more freshers coming this July to the team. We should notify MENTOS.”
AM:”There he is.Mr.Mentos, can you please come over?”
Mentos:”Hello.”
AM:”there are 2 new joinees coming in July. Please come to office daily as you would have to mentor them.”
Mentos:” Ok. I am traveling a lot now a days. When I am in the country, I will come but I cannot stay back after 5 BM. I am newly married you know.”
AM: “Newly Married? I thought you were married long time back?”
Mentos: “Yes but we are still new. ;-) If you want, I have a nice solution. I will use telepresence to mentor the new hires after 5 PM.”
AM: “Brilliant. GSP is all about SOLUTIONS.Thanks”.
AM: “Yeah yeah, no problem. No problem.”
Chote Miyaan has an important announcement to make - SADI
[Madhukar]
AM:”Team, myself and Manager are going to
From now on Mdada takes over as the acting manager. - SADIs
Mdada is busy working on multiple things. Shahenshah work (LCS, night shift, Jaagte Raho – sun saan song), AINA work, SmS work. (Jodhaa Akbar song)
Phone rings. Mdada picks up the phone.
Mr.Mdada” Hello, JaagteRaho Services. How can I help you?”
Anthony:”Hello Mdada. This is Anthony here.How are you? I have a project for you in ISC. Just wanted to check if you folks can service it?”
Mdada: “Yeh Anthony Kaun Hai”
Mdada:” ISC? Do you want to integrate it with AINA or you want ISC to sit on top of AINA.”
Anthony (confused):” No, I am not talking about INNA shalin. I am talking about ISC product.”
Mdada:”yeah, I know Inna Shalin. She was the one who gave us AINA training.”
Anthony:”Ok, when can we expect the resource?”
Mdada:” Anthony, you will have to fill up JIRA. Then if it qualifies as an SmS opportunity, then you will have to send a SMS to my phone.If the SMS is between 3 AM to 5 AM, my mom will answer. I was part of quality initiative. We have to follow processes right.”
Anthony” That’s cool. We in the global practice don’t have any process. You guys are way ahead of us. Really nice working with you folks.”
[Suresh Chaurasiya] - SADI
Song plays “Mumbai se aaya mera dost, dost ko salaam karo.” Sadi gets the MP3.
Mr.Solution” Hello Mr.Mdada. I am Mr.Solution from Mumbai.”
Mdada:”Hey Solution. How are you doing man? Nice meeting you.”
Mr.Solution”After doing Jaagte Raho Services for 3 years, I am little tired Mdada. I want to change my profile. I want to work on solutions.”
Mdada:” Hey Solution, work on it for couple of more years man. Then when you gain sufficient knowledge you will grow up the value chain automatically.”
Mr.Solution: “No Mdada. Every thing is fine except for the night shift.”
Mdada:” See I am requesting you now. If you don’t listen, I will call Raj Thackeray and ask him to talk to you. Jai Maharashtra!”
[
Mr.Quality Champ: “ Hello Mdada. Its me Quality Champ again in
Mr.Mdada:” Man, you were here just last week. You are here again so soon. That’s a lot of travel.”
Mr.Quality chuckling” Huh! I think I am the most traveled guy in this team. But man, traveling in this company is boring man. In Ericsson , we were traveling in Business class”
Mr.Mdada “Hmmmmm!”
Quality Champ:” Also, I saw this mail from Miss Pity on team outing. Why are we having it in
Mr.Mdada” Hmmmmmm!”
Quality Champ:” Also, in my Cisco Delhi office, the coffee is so bad. I stopped drinking it. In Ericsson, we used to get excellent coffee served at the desk.”
Mr.Mdada” Hmmmmm. Mr.Quality Champ. First thing is – you no longer work for Ericsson and also, you were supposed to relocate to
Quality Champ walking off singing this song in OSO style:” Dil Me mere hai Cisco Cisco. I love Cisco. I love Cisco.”
[Dharmesh Shah] - SADI
TE: “ Hello Friends, Romans and Countrymen. I am Mr.Traffic Engineer.”
Mdada:” Hey hello. Long time no see. How are you?”
TE:” I was busy talking to VSNL folks , opening BUGS and the DEs.”
Mdada” Very good! You are doing a great job.”
TE:” Thanks. Lets go for coffee?”
Mdada:”Lets go”.
Mdada sits and starts drinking coffee. TE doesn’t sit.
Mdada: “Sit down man. Sit and drink coffee”
TE:”No man, I cant sit. I sit only in the morning.I cant sit for long time. I don’t like to sit. Infact, when I was flying down from Mumbai, I stood in the plane as well. In fact, I was just thinking , they should have a standing zone in the airplane. And probably price should be half that of Economy. Isnt it a good idea? I should post it in Wiki page productivity charter for our Big Brother”
Mdada: “ Brilliant idea TE. You should patent it. Doesn’t your MBO have a patent idea to be filed clause? I think you should do it.”
[Aditya Gupta]
Mdada:”
Mdada:” Scared of travel. Hahaha, that’s a funny thing. You are an NCE. You should be ready to travel anyday anytime. Airsickness?”
Meeting place: “ No, nothing of that sort. I am scared of the iExpense folks. All my claims are rejected by them. Even my dinner bills are getting rejected. The only way to escape from this is NOT to TRAVEL. And I love SmS. So its ok for now.”
Mdada: “ Don’t worry man. Once Synergy comes, all our troubles will be gone. Trust me.”
Meeting Place:” How?”
Mdada:” Even I don’t know man. Everyone talks about it here and so do i.”
Scene shifts to
[DON & Senthil]DON old MP3 song – Are Deewano
Manju & SADI
Gangster:” Hey Mr.Tension. I heard BM & CM are coming to visit us.”
Mr.Tension:”Hey Gangster. I am all tensed man about them coming.”
Gangster: “ Lets take them Asha’s restaurant in
Tension: “ you know, I feel so tensed in front of them. I don’t know if I can eat properly.”
Gangster:” Why are you so tensed man. You are excelling in your work. You are giving 127% realization.”
Tension:” That is the problem. I am tensed. Now with this excellent work, they will ask me to go to
Gangster: “hahahaha. They cant catch me man.”
Tension:” Why ? “
Gangster” Don ko pakadana Mushkil hi nahin, na mumkeen hai.”
[Song playing of the new DON]
Senthil asks Madhu: Y r u playing this new song?”
BM & CM have come back from
[
CM:” hey Wiki. How are you man?”
Wiki:”I am doing good. How are you?”
CM:” Where are you wiki?”
Wiki:”Hey, I am in
CM:” You are still in
Wiki” Si Amigo!”
CM:” But Who is the customer?”
Wiki” Who else? Movilnet. Why all these questions Manager?”
CM: “ Dude, Movilnet project is long over. We have received signoff, CSAT, money also long time back. Wind up and come back ok.”
Wiki:” Oh is it? Oooops, ok – I forgot. I am developing a wiki page for the customer. They loved ONM wiki page so much that they asked me to stay back to develop wiki page for them.”
Manager:” No, you cant do that Wiki. You have to come back.”
Wiki:” I am expecting a Venezuelan cap from them. I will come once I get that. You guys never give me an Indian cap anyways.”
[Madhu M]
Madhu & Manju
Fresher:” HR, my emotions are taking over my work. Not able to work.”
HR: “Why Mr.fresher?”
Fresher:” Coz all you folks call me Fresher. I don’t like being called Fresher. I have completed almost 2 years of my career and people still call me Fresher.”
HR:” Hmmmm. You know what? Fresher is a compliment. When you walk into the team meeting, you are like a whiff of fresh air. When stale folks write the same old LLDs, your LLDs bring freshness to the customer. There is so much of freshness embedded in you that it is natural for the team to tell you fresh. “
Fresher:” Oh yeah, I never thought of that. I am Fresh. Fresh…..”
Fresher walks off in a zombie state murmuring to himself.
HR to himself: “Hahaha, isn’t being HR a fun?”
[
Madhu & Sadi.
MBG gets acknowledgements from all the team to the outing. Except the LADY ANA. He is furious and curious to know the reason.
MBG:” Hello LADY ANA, you know I am your manager speaking. The idea here is to make yourself available for the team outing on March 26th. It will be good to have everyone.”
LADY ANA:” No Manager, I cant make it that day. My delivery dates are during that time.”
MBG:” What delivery dates?if you remember I sent out a PPT sometime back itself to talk to your Project Managers and inform them that we wont deliver any project during that time. The point is Please tell the Project Manager that you cant deliver the LLD on that day.”
LADY:”But Manager, I am talking of Delivery of my baby and not the LLD.”
MBG:”Oooops., i totally forgot. I am sorry. Yeah you are excused. But you know We will miss you. All the best. Have a nice time with your kid. Its fun watching Kids GROW. Hey, btw – we @ GSP have stopped Growing. I mean, I have asked the team not fill in GROW!”
1 comment:
Nice to read all this after so long!
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